laziness

So I just did p90x for the first time.

in a word, it was painful.

I know that that wasn't the worst of it, and i'll be much more sore tomorrow morning than I am right now.

Awesome.

But you see, I'm not just doing p90x for fun. The doctor told me that the easiest way to fix my back and all of it's never ending problems (in case you didn't know, my back is just a pain. literally) is to strengthen my core.

aka I need to do all sorts of exercises for my back and abs so that all my muscles will be stronger and will keep my back in it's place. When my doctor told me that news it sounded really good and easy, but that has proven to not be true. I struggle to find time to fit in working out, and working out hurts. It makes me sore and makes my body scream "STOP!" while I (sometimes) ignore that voice and keep going. But the thing is, even though I do exercise more now than I have in the past, I'm still not doing it as much as I should. You would think that since doing all this is going to fix my back and make it stop hurting, I would have good enough motivation to work out and get my butt into shape.

Unfortunately, that isn't exactly true. Even with that motivation, I let myself (especially my laziness) get in the way. I talk myself out of working out and do other stuff instead. usually that other stuff isn't even productive, so it's stupid to do. I wish I could just get it through my head that I will be soooo thankful that I worked out once I have strong muscles and my back doesn't ache all the time, but instead I don't. This should be one of those situations where I know it will hurt in the meantime, but in the end it'll all be worth it. but nope, instead I just get lazy! It's dumb. I need to keep working, and I need to get myself fixed. Because the scary thing is, I'm afraid that if I don't fix myself now, there will have to be something drastic done later because my back is messed up. Why would I allow that to happen when instead I could just work hard now and get it done?

The answer?

I'm lazy.

and dumb.

and I need to stop being both of those.