Give It Up.

So I think you should all go read Leviticus 25. Go to biblegateway.com, youversion.com, google, whatever. Because otherwise, not much of this post will make sense to you at all. Just a suggestion :]

After reading Leviticus 25, I can’t believe the Israelites never actually practiced the Year of Jubilee I mean I know that it sounds like God was asking a lot from them, but He promised them blessings in return. For example, He promised that He would provide enough food in the 6^th year to be sufficient for the 3 years following, so clearly the Israelites would have plenty of food. God also gave them specific instructions about how to release their slaves and servants, so God had a plan for that area too. Regardless of what all God told them to do while practicing the year of Jubilee, the Israelites still did not listen.

Now after reading the chapter, it was hard for me to wrap my mind around the fact that the Israelites just didn’t obey. They chose to ignore the whole idea of the Year of Jubilee rather than listening to God and celebrating this occasion. I spent some time researching online whether the Israelites every celebrated the Year of Jubilee, and multiple sources said that not once did the Israelites ever acknowledge the Year of Jubilee. Never. Not a single time. I was so stunned by this fact, and suddenly it hit me why they acted in this way.

It was because of their pride and lack of faith.

I think that the Israelites didn’t really think that God would provide. They thought that their way of living was just fine, so why try something new? They seemed pretty comfortable and content with their farming routines and their slaves, so why mix it up by taking an entire year off and letting all of their servants go free? This might be a little bold of me, but I think that the Israelites doubted whether it was really a wise decision on their part so they just ignored this command from God entirely. They thought their methods were just fine so they didn’t trust God enough to believe that He would provide, causing them to not change their ways.

Now at first, it seems like the Israelites were being stubborn, selfish and overall pretty dumb. I mean didn’t they know that God would abundantly provide for them for trusting and obeying Him? Hadn’t He been doing that all along for the Israelites? Well, that was my thought at least. But then I realized something.

How often do I pass up some amazing blessing from God simply because I’m too content with how things are and don’t want to risk anything and change? I am very much a creature of habit, and I don’t always like to change my routines. I’m not saying that I do the exact same thing day in and day out, but once I have formed a routine it’s hard for me to break it. I shudder to question how often God has presented me with an opportunity that could have resulted in a blessing from Him, but I turned it down because I was too comfortable with my life. I am realizing that I need to let go of my stubborn ways and my routines, and instead I need to let God’s way come first. I need to let Him call the shots in my life and give Him complete control. I’m reminded of a verse in Ephesians that says:

“Now to Him, who is able to do immeasurable more than all we ask or imagine…, to Him be the glory.”

God can do so much more than I can even begin to imagine, so why should I let my stubborn routines get in the way of Him working in my life?!

There are things I need to let go of, areas I need to give Him the control. He keeps reminding me of this, and it’s an area that really requires selflessness and humility. At first the task seems so daunting, but when I think about it I’m left wondering why I can’t just give it all to Him. He can do anything, so why should I let my sinfulness get in His way. His plan for my life is perfect, so why should I be his obstacle? I should be extending His kingdom and bringing the glory to Him rather than being too stubborn to change my ways.

Peaceful Realization.

It’s kind of ridiculous how much I think I know. I act like I know everything and that whatever I say must be true, because I just know everything. Even as I write that I realize how egotistical that is of me, but in my head it seems completely accurate.

However, I am constantly reminded that I really don’t know a thing. Fortunately, I have a God that does.

This morning I almost passed out in my Spanish class. That sounds like a minor thing, nothing to really raise much concern. But this is becoming a slight habit of mine, and I wish I knew why. (Ps: don’t worry, it really isn’t anything serious. Just something linked to some other things, but overall I’m still pretty confident that overall I’m pretty healthy. I don’t mean to scare you or anything, so please don’t worry!) Anyways, I was kind of scared/worried this morning, wondering what was going on inside of me and wishing that I knew. After a little while of wondering and worrying, a rush of complete peace came over me. I realized that since there is no way for me to immediately know what is going on, why should I spend all day worrying?! Clearly God knows what is going on with me even if I don’t, and He will take care of me. God doesn’t do thinks to us just because He wants to mess with us. He has a plan, and He can see the big picture even if I get caught up on one tiny portion of it.

This realization was such a relief to me, and it certainly brought so much peace to my previously stressed out disposition. I was once again reminded of how small I am, and how magnificently powerful God is. He knows exactly what is going on even if I don’t have a single clue. He is in control of every day of the rest of my life even if I can’t seem to handle my life in any single given moment. He knows everything, He is in control of everything, and He is the creator of this wonderful universe.

And He loves me.

Wow.

Sacrifice.

As I read through Leviticus, I've been noticing a common theme throughout the book. While the book is generally about the laws God gave to the Israelites, the majority of all the laws given are about sacrifices. Who was supposed to give the sacrifices, what caused a sacrifice to be needed, how the sacrifice was to be performed, everything! It's interesting to contrast the way that the Israelites had to handle being "unclean" at that time, and what Christians can do now.

It’s so interesting to read all that God required of the Israelites. They couldn’t just pray to God and ask for forgiveness, they had to really give something of themselves. Whether it was their livestock, their money or just their time, it involved something personal from the individual. They were not given the opportunity to just pray and instantly receive forgiveness; they had to give of themselves for God’s sake.

After reading all that God required, it seems to give some insight into God’s view of asking for forgiveness. Seeking forgiveness isn’t just muttering a short prayer to relieve a guilty conscience. It is intended for the person seeking forgiveness is actually willing to give something up because of their sin so that it doesn’t happen again. It reminds me of this quote I read recently:

It’s so easy to simply ask for forgiveness without truly putting forth the effort to eliminate the sin. I think half the time I ask for forgiveness simply for my own sake rather than as a sincere apology to God. I’ve been taught to think that when you apologize, the only way to show that you are truly sorry is to not do whatever you did again. If you really do feel badly for whatever you have done, then you should be sorry enough to not do it again. You know what I mean? Not to say that you don’t mess up because trust me I have done that plenty of times, but in theory that is how it should work. If you continue to do whatever you apologized, then you in theory aren’t genuinely sorry.

I feel like apologizing to God and asking for forgiveness is almost easier than apologizing to another person. It seems like it can be so easy to apologize to God without meaning it because all it involves is a prayer. No confrontation, no face-to-face interaction, nothing like that to really make you feel convicted. I mean I know my conscience gets to me, but there’s nothing really stopping me from doing it again you know?

But the thing is that it is wrong to repeatedly ask forgiveness without changing anything in my life. If I really want forgiveness, that means I give of myself and prove that the apology was sincere. It’s not fair to ask God to forgive and forget when I can’t sacrifice anything of myself for God.

Harsh Self-Realizations.

Lately, I've been stuck in a rut. I feel like it's all I write about on here, so if I seem redundant I am sorry and I want to change. I have been choosing to settle for stressfulness and discontentment with the way things are in my life rather than just choosing to believe God has a plan. I settle for what I want to do rather than handing over the control.

I'm sort of a control freak. I can't remember if I've mentioned that or not, but anyone who even remotely knows me probably knows this. It's not something I am proud of, it's just something I need to learn to set aside. I think the source of the problem is my pride mixed with my want for control. I want to feel like I am the one in control, that I am the one calling the shots. I want to see the outcome of my work, and to know that people expect me to be a leader. Even as I write that I want to just erase it and pretend it isn't true, but unfortunately it is.

The biggest problem with allowing my pride to run my life is the fact that I simply accept it. I allow myself to think that that's just the way I am, that there is nothing I can do about it. I don't just mean in the area of being a control freak, but in every area of my life. I let my pride call the shots rather than God. I settle with the mentality that I can't change the way I am, and that I'm just stuck being self centered and ruled by my pride.

See, I didn't even realize that I had this mentality until I read something my wonderful best friend wrote. (Her blog is whitney-mypaperheart.blogspot.com, you should check it out) In her most recent post she mentioned how God is changing her, how she is seeing Him work in her. AS I read this, I was so encouraged and suddenly I realized that I don't have to be this way. I don't have to let my pride or my ego dictate my actions, I have no obligation to act this way. Rather, as a Christian I actually have an obligation to not let those things define my actions. I need to fight against those innately sinful aspects of my life, and to give God control.

Giving God control is one of those phrases that is always thrown around; I feel like I say it and pray it all the time. But in actuality, I can't remember the last time I actually gave God complete control. Which is just ridiculous, because the whole focus of being a Christian is to give your life over to God and live for Him rather than yourself. I let myself get away with just doing what I want to do, and I don't really live for Him at all.

I'm beginning to realize all of these pathetic, sad elements of my life and am determined to change them.

God needs control of my life, not me.

He deserves my everything, including my pride.

I need to stop simply saying I need to change, and instead I need to do something.

God redeemed me, now I need to glorify Him.

End of story.

Seek Rest In God.

Hi there.

So first off, once again I would like to apologize for my lack of writing. I have been so extremely overwhelmed with school work, and I just haven't had a chance. I know that sounds like a lame excuse and like I'm just not trying to make time, but I promise it's true! But now I'm here writing, and I will try to write a whole lot more often!

Anyways, on to a new thought.

Last Sunday (like a week ago yesterday) in church, we sang a new song. Now I'll be honest, I wasn't a big fan of it. It kind of consisted with the same line sang over and over, with a little bit of variation, for about five minutes. The "little bit of variation" meaning that you changed one word every six lines or so. You know what I mean? It was a bit much. Since the lyrics were basically the same the whole song through, I started thinking about one of the lines. It said:

"My soul finds rest in You alone."

The funny thing is, as soon as I heard that line I immediately wanted to write about it. Not necessarily write something simply to post it on my blog, but just to sit down and start writing out my thoughts. Of course I haven't had any time due to stress and projects, so I simply kept it tucked away in the back of my mind. I went about my week being stressed out and feeling like all this school work would push me to the limit. There have been a couple rough times especially, when I just felt so beat down and exhausted. Then I let all that stress just stay bottled up inside, so I stay aggravated all night and go to bed mad, and wake up grumpy the next morning. Not exactly a great solution to the stressed out problem.

Now I'm not telling you all of this as my way of continuing to feel sorry for myself. I'm just giving this all to you as background information, so that you can see where I'm really coming from.

See, one morning I was particularly irritable. Everyone annoyed me and no one could change my mood. Selfish, huh? But then I was halfway through my breakfast when I remembered that line from church telling me to seek rest in God. In the middle of my grumpiness and stress, this message practically hit me upside the head.

You see, whenever I get stressed I tend to fall away from God. I allow all those stresses to overwhelm me, and I push God to the side. I tell myself that I don't have time to do devotions or to try and be close to God, but that instead I merely need to work on my homework and just do devotions when I have time. Then I start to feel guilty but I still stay away from God because I'm afraid He will be mad at me. I'm afraid that I will only temporarily stay close to God, but then I'll let school work get in the way and that God will get even more mad at me. I hate the idea of disappointing God, so ironically I continue to disappoint God by staying away from Him rather than drawing near to Him to overcome that feeling. You see my problem?

Then I started thinking about that line from that song. And I realized something. It doesn't say that you have to try and make yourself the best version of yourself before you approach God. It doesn't say that you have to have your whole life figured our before you seek the Lord's help. It doesn't have any conditions attached to it at all actually. All it says to do is to seek your rest in God. Allow God to be the peace in your life and the one you go to when things get hard. It calls you to simply rest in God, and give your stresses to Him. He is in control of the entire universe, so can't He handle those little projects that are stressing you out so much?

God can do all things,

Seek rest in God.