Reminded of His Gift.

Yesterday morning I went to church at Discover Church, and they were celebrating their eighth anniversary. I’ve been attending this church since about October, and I love it! It reminds me a lot of my church back home and I get a lot out of the Pastor’s teaching. Since yesterday was their anniversary they were celebrating everything God had done through their church and what all had been accomplished for His glory. One thing I really liked about the service was that it was so encouraging, like that God had just started His work in the church and that they have so much more to do for His kingdom. They weren’t centered on what all the church had done, but rather the fact that God had chosen to use them in the lives of so many different people.

During the service, the pastor said one phrase that really stuck with me. It wasn’t a main point, and I bet many people left church that morning without giving this sentence a second thought. I, however, was really struck by this phrase and was pleasantly reminded of how much my Father loves me. The pastor said:

“God paid the highest price to give you the best gift, for free.”

Now I know this is a phrase that seems to be thrown around all the time, whether it be as a strong point in a sermon or as a lyric in a worship song. It’s not really anything new, and I know I’ve heard it many times before. However, yesterday it happened to be exactly what I needed to hear.

So often I forget that God actually had to pay to give me salvation and eternal life. It’s so easy to just assume that since God can do everything, he just magically snapped his fingers and gave me eternal life. I let myself forget the power behind His mighty act of saving me, and I get caught up in the fact that he saved me. I focus on the fact that I have been given this new life, and that I don’t need to fear death because I have something better. It’s all about me, me, me.

Then I am bluntly reminded that it’s about God. Not me, not the people surrounding me, not any other single person on this earth. It’s about Him. He was the one who graciously saved me and every other sinner on this earth. He is the one who created this beautiful, perfect earth, and us sinners are the ones who ruined it. He is the one who died on the cross, and it was me and my sins put Him there. He suffered the most severe pain, He was betrayed by everyone close to Him, and He was the one who went through the worst of the worst to save a fallen world. It’s so ridiculous how I make it all about me, when the only part I really play is the bad guy.

By realizing that it’s God’s story and not mine, I am overwhelmed with a renewed sense of humility. I realize once again that I am so small, and that God is so huge. He surrounds me, controls my life, knows my inner thoughts and intentions, and yet loves me more than I could ever begin to comprehend. He continues to shatter any sense of importance I place in myself, and makes me so appreciative that I have his gift of life.

I know it sounds so cliché, but the thought of living life on my own and trying to get myself through it all sounds miserable. My embarrassingly-frequent selfish moments are bad enough; I can’t imagine living a whole life without any consideration for someone bigger than myself. I’m a terrible sinner, a rotten person, a self-consumed and pride-centered individual in desperate need of a Savior. And I thank my Father above that I have been given one who paid the greatest price for me.

Biblical Confusion.

So as I continue with my chronological reading, I’m getting more and more excited about this! Like right now I’m reading the story of Joseph which I have certainly heard many times before, but it’s always interesting to read it from the word of God and see what the Bible really has to say. It seems like when I hear the stories they’re always a little watered down or summarized, and reading those little details again is a bit refreshing.

So towards the end of Genesis, in the middle of the account of Joseph, there is a story about Joseph’s brother Judah. Now if you haven’t heard of this story before I’m not too surprised, because I hadn’t heard of this story before this summer. A small group at my church read Francine Rivers’ book “A Lineage of Grace,” which tells the story of five different scandals that are involved in forming the line of Jesus. If you haven't ever read this book I highly recommend it, it's so wonderful! One of stories included is the story of Judah and a woman named Tamar.

Now this story is definitely the sandals of all scandals in the Bible, I’d even go as far as to call it a scriptural soap opera. Let me warn you now, this is definitely not a clean and g-rated story! You see, Judah had three sons, and the eldest was married to a woman named Tamar. But this son was so evil that God killed him, so Tamar became the wife of the second son. This son was evil as well, so God took his life also. The third son was too young for a wife, so Judah sent Tamar back to her father’s house and told her that he would come for her when the last son was of age. However, Judah never came for Tamar, leaving her feeling unwanted, shamed and humiliated. Then Tamar got news of Judah coming through her town, so she posed as a prostitute at the city gates. Judah saw her there, and not knowing that she was his daughter-in-law, he slept with her. Then Tamar became pregnant by Judah, and news got back to Judah that Tamar was suddenly pregnant. Not knowing that the child was his, he immediately proclaimed that she should be brought into the middle of his city and killed. However, Tamar made it known that it was Judah who had made her pregnant, and Judah was publically embarrassed and ashamed of what he had done. Everyone knew what he had done, and Tamar was cleansed of any blame she had previously had. What a strange family story!

As I read t his, I became more and more confused, as well as grossed out. I mean I know it’s the Bible and that this story is there for a reason, but it just seems a little different than most of the stories found in the Bible! However, there are parts of this story that I just don’t understand. Like after Judah is outed to the whole town, he says “She is more righteous than me, because I wouldn’t give her my son.” What does this even mean?! Like how on earth was she being righteous? It seems to me that she was being sneaky and a bit driven by revenge more than anything else! I’m sure this is one of those stories that is so drenched with the Hebrew customs that it’s hard to understand without knowing the culture of the people. I wish I knew the traditions of the Hebrew people so that I could understand the meaning behind this story without getting caught up on the strange events that took place. For me, it’s hard to read this story and get a lot of spiritual benefit out of it, because I focus on how confusing this story is to me. I also am left wondering what it could possibly be saying about God and His people, and what their customs were like at that time.

I guess this is just one of those times that I simply have to accept that I don’t know everything about the Bible. Clearly God had a plan and was blessing His people regardless of the methods, even if it doesn’t make sense to me at all.

If you have any sort of insight about this story, please share it! I’m kind of lost with this whole story, so I would love to have some more understanding.

I Want to Read with a New Mind.

As I have said before, I am working through reading the whole Bible in a year. Now I never really viewed this as something that I wanted to do, which I know sounds just terrible. But like before I was really content just reading through Paul’s letters in the New Testament and Proverbs, without much attention being paid to any other part of the Bible. So then I started trying to branch out and find somewhere else to read, but I had no idea where to start! Plus when I did find somewhere new to start, I would get bored and just stop reading all together. Needless to say, that method wasn’t exactly working.

So then I was looking online, and I found the site youversion.com, and it totally helped me find something to read and stay on track with it. Just the fact that there is a daily reading for me to do and a deadline and accountability of sorts to keep reading has helped me stay in the word a whole lot more than I would have otherwise. I know all of this sounds like I’m just doing a commercial for the website and like it all isn’t really genuine, but it really is!

Now that I’m almost a month into this year-long plan (day 25 to be exact), and I have learned so much. I already wrote a bit on what I learned from Job, but that’s not the only place that I have been learning from. Reading back through Genesis has been interesting because I’m reading those stories that I grew up hearing in church, but in a very different way. Not to say that the way it was taught in church was incorrect, now I’m just hearing the unedited version. Nothing is watered down or made age-appropriate for the kids, it’s all the nitty gritty details.

Now this isn’t the first time that I have read these stories from the Bible, but reading them all in a row really seems to make a difference. Like rather than just reading a little here and a little there, I am reading them all together and seeing the connection between each one. It’s really interesting to read the whole story and see what really happened, and to be reminded of all those little details that I have managed to forget over time.

However, as I reread through these chapters, I am struck with the desire to read them and soak them in as if I’ve never read them before. It’s so easy to just skim over the stories I grew up hearing simply because I’ve heard them so many times. As I read through them, I wish that I could absorb their true meaning with a new outlook and forget the fact that I already know how the story is going to end. I think that is part of the reason I found Job so interesting, I really had no idea how it was going to end. Again, I had heard the general, watered-down story in Sunday school, but I had never taken the time to read the story for myself. As I read through Genesis, I pray that God will open my mind and help me to see things I’ve never seen before, and most of all learn brand new things about Him. It always blows my mind that the God I read about in the Old Testament is the same one who loves me and cares for me today. Ah man, our God is a great God.

Tomorrow will continue my reading through Genesis, and I am really praying that God will show me something new. I pray that I will learn something new about his power and love that I’ve never realized before, and I pray that I will find some application out of reading those great stories. Basically, I want to learn to read with new eyes and a new mind.

Heartbreaking.

So today, in an effort to avoid my art homework for as long as possible, I was looking online at a website called lettersillneversend.com. The whole point of the site is to allow people to write and posts letters anonymously without having to send them to their actual recipients. I’ve seen this site a few other times but haven’t really spent much time looking around, but for some reason today I was very interested.

As I began reading, I was initially just interested. Curious and nosy, really. I wanted to know what people had to say, what sort of things they would write without the pressure of having to say their words exactly right or make sure they got their point across, because the person that the letter was meant for would never read it. So the first few pages I just skimmed through the topics, and stopped to read the ones that sounded interesting.

Then I began to read all the letters on each page, and it was simply heartbreaking. The stories people told of their pain and their sorrow, and their hopelessness. One letter was written for the author’s mother, telling their mom all about their awful past with drugs, drinking, and everything those substances had caused to go wrong in their life. This letter, along with many, many others, included the author crying out to their deafened audience in a muted voice. They weren’t allowing themselves to actually send it to someone who could help, but instead simply posting it somewhere in hopes to feel a bit of relief by admitting it to a nameless abyss. The majority of the letters I read were written by broken people, searching for a source of hope and relief. Whether they had been broken through abandonment, judgment, hopelessness or fear, it didn’t matter. Something had broken them, and they were left trying to pick up the pieces.

Reading those letters made me so sad and heavy-hearted, and I wish I could do something to help. It made me think about all those people I come into contact with every day, and what they could be hiding. I think back over all the times I have been so quick to judge someone, and I wonder how many times I have been the one to make things seem even worse to the recipient of my harsh judgment.

I never know where other people are at in their lives, so who says it’s up to me to decide what kind of person they are? No one, that’s who. I certainly hate feeling judged and condemned by those around me, so why on earth would I do that to someone else? Something has got to change.

Ugh.

Gotta love those reality checks.

His Plan is Good.

So today I kind of had a flash back to one of the scariest events of my life. I can’t exactly go into many details at all thanks to different issues, but I can say it involved a car crash in early August. That night God protected me and my sister, and showed His grace and mercy to me more vividly than I had ever witnessed before in my life.

See, today I got an email saying that there was another side to the story, and that side may make my side look a little tainted. I know that sounds like it’d be obvious, but that didn't matter. It’s complicated and a mess, and I can’t really say much more, but that doesn't really matter! You’ll just have to take my word for it.

When I read that email I kind of panicked, and was so afraid that no one would believe me. I was afraid that the people who needed to see my side wouldn't, and that things would be messed up. I began to think through the events of that night and try and come up with what I could have done differently, what I did wrong, and what I should have done. I began to replay it all in my head, but I couldn't come up with a better option than what I did that night. I called my mom and briefly told her what was going on, and she processed it all and called me back with some wonderful comfort. She told me that in that situation I did all that I could, and that it doesn't matter what the other person thinks. What is supposed to happen will happen, and that’s just that. I can’t change what I did that night, and I certainly can’t change the outcome.

I knew that what she was saying was true, and as she talked to me I really soaked it all in. She was right! God had a plan, and that plan is going to happen no matter what. Both in this situation as well as every other area of life. God has a way that He wants things to go, and nothing can get in His way. I mean come on, what can possibly even try to stop the God of the universe? Nothing is really coming to my mind.

How comforting is that?! No matter what, God’s Will will be done. What he has planned is going to happen, and everything He does is good. Even those things that seem so terrible and awful, those things that seem nothing but miserable, are good. I had to remind myself of this constantly after the accident, and it took a long time for me to believe it. And last semester when I started college, that was definitely a time that I had to give myself that reminder all the time just to keep my sanity. God has a plan, and it is good. Always. Not sometimes, not just when I pray a lot, not just when God is happy with me, always.

It’s amazing how God can always give you comfort you when you go looking for it.

Family.

So my family came down here to South Carolina too see me Thursday night, and it's been so wonderful! My mom and sisters came on Thursday, and then last night my dad last-minute decided to come down for the weekend, so he got in late last night too! I've just gotten to be with them and hang out and spend time with them, and I'm absolutely loving it. It seems like at school I miss them oh so much, and when I'm with them it's just wonderful! Like getting to see Piper getting bigger and becoming such an active little girl is just crazy, and I'm so sad that I have to miss out on some of that while being away at school. And then missing seeing my sister Paige experience high school first hand, and little Riles enjoy first grade and just be an energetic, excited little miss. There are definitely things that I'm missing out on because of going to school far from home, and every time I see them again that seems to become really clear. And when I'm at school and feeling homesick, all I seem to focus on is everything that I'm not there for because I'm far. Like how I miss seeing them grow up and all their experiences, and how I feel so distant from them at times.

But then when I see them, all those things I'm missing out on suddenly become unimportant and I focus just on how great it is to be with them. While being away from home is hard, being away has certainly taught me how to value my family. I'm learning more and more how simply wonderful my family is, and how lucky I am to have them. I have such great relationships with everyone in my family (most of the time), and I know that I am truly blessed to be able to say that. I can't believe that I have been given such a great support system, and it's so reassuring to know that they're always there for me. They've been by my side through so much, and I'm not sure I could ever express to them how much that means to me.

While seeing them leave on Monday morning is going to be painful and sad, I know that I will see them again soon. And the thing is, regardless of distance and business, I know that they're my family and that will never change a thing.

By My Side.

Yesterday, I was in such a terrible mood. I had tons of work to do but it was all boring to me, and things just weren’t goin my way. I had to endure the worst art critique of my life, which consisted of my teacher embarrassing myself and other students in the class with her comments about our work, smiling the whole time as she did so. It was miserable. After a 20 minute vent-session via phone to my mother, I got in my car and just drove. I was still fuming and so offended and hurt as I thought back over my day, when suddenly the song on the radio caught my attention. It was Tenth Avenue North’s “By Your Side.”

A few weeks ago I made a couple worship-themed CD’s for my car for those times after I leave church or just feel really close to God and don’t feel like listening to the shallow crap on the radio. So I happened to have left one of them in my CD player, and in that moment those lyrics just spoke to me. I paused and heard the lines:

And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

How great is that?! like ah, that certainly turned my mood around. Or at least made me stop and think about whether what I was so hurt and offended by was really worth it. I mean yes, what she did was rude and unnecessary, but the moment I started to listen to these words, I realized that none of that mattered. It didn’t have to bother me so much, it wasn’t even that big of a deal. No matter how upset or angry I got towards that lady, it couldn’t change a single thing that had just taken place. No matter how much I wanted to take back that class, I couldn’t.

And the thing is, God knew that class was going to go that terribly. He knew what the teacher was going to say, and He knew how I was going to feel. So I figure, why let something that was totally planned defeat me? Why let that make me hate art class even more than I already do, and why let that ruin my day? Clearly God is on my side and is ready to take me into His arms and comfort me no matter what is going on in my life, so why take this one event so personally?

Needless to say, God gave me a nice little reality check.

You would fix your hair! Why not just fix you.

So tonight at small group, I heard a really interesting statement. It was actually a recap from last week's study [which i happened to miss], and they were talking about learning stuff in church. Like that feeling you get when you leave a service on Sunday morning and feel really motivated and inspired by what the pastor says, but then by the time Sunday evening rolls around you've already forgotten what the pastor said that was so great.

Anyways, what the girls said was something along the lines of:

"It's like when you look in the mirror and see that your hair is messed up. Of course you aren't going to walk away with your hair still a mess; instead you're going to fix it. It should be the same way with church. You shouldn't be okay with seeing something wrong in your life but walking away and leaving that part of you a mess. Instead, you should take it as a hint of things you need to fix, and change it immediately, just like you would your hair."

How great is that?! It's so true! At least for me it is. It seems like every single Sunday I leave church feeling so so inspired and encouraged to change myself for Christ, but I immediately forget. No matter how motivated or convicted I feel, I always allow myself to go back to however I was before without a second thought. This is so ridiculous! If I am clearly seeing something that is against what God wants and isn't compatible with Jesus' teachings, then why should I allow myself to continue down that path?

So many times I hear something great and realize an area in my life that I need to fix, but that's about as far as it goes. I feel really convicted for about a total of an hour maybe, and then I just forget about it and continue on with my life. It's like I totally limit God's influence in my life, and I only allow Him in so much. Rather than giving everything over to Him and really trying to change myself for His glory, I get too selfish and focus on what I want to do. I convince myself that doing what God would have me do would just be hard, so I would rather just give up before I even start. I mean I don't consciously admit all of those things, but those are the messages that my actions send to people.

The worst part is, I hate how often I come to this realization. Even today, before small group, I was thinking about how often I see something wrong in my life but don't put forth the full effort to change. It's just terrible! I think this time, I want to make it different. Actually, I know I do. God has done so much for me, and I am learning more and more every day, that it's just ridiculous for me to continue living for myself. Especially when the outcomes and results aren't that great at all. All I gain from living for myself is pain, frustration, anger and discouragement. Living for Christ gives so much more!

It's time I turn this all around.

A Non-human Savior.

For the past week or so, I've been really focusing on love. I don't really know why, it's not like I think about it constantly or anything, I guess it's just something that's been on my mind a lot when I sit down to write. Maybe this is God's way of telling me that it's time I change some things in my life? Chances are, that's about right.

Anyways, a couple weeks ago I saw something really interesting from a friend on twitter. She said to read the love chapter in 1 Corinthians 13, but to replace the word "love" with your name. So I went and read it, and man is it powerful. Personally I like the message version's listing of these verses best, so this is what it looks like:

[reagan] never gives up.
[reagan] cares more for others than for self.
[reagan] doesn't want what it doesn't have.
[reagan] doesn't strut,
Doesn't have a swelled head,
Doesn't force itself on others,
Isn't always "me first,"
Doesn't fly off the handle,
Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn't revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.

Now if only I could say even one of those things were true. Reading over that list, I realize just how un-loving I truly am. I certainly enjoy the feeling of other people showing love to me, but why can't I do that for other people? It's amazing how much I can get caught up on myself and my pride, and how often I entirely forget about others. I wish I could just always have these verses plastered directly in front of my eyes as a constant reminder of how I should be acting. I should be loving and kind and patient and forgiving, but unfortunately I allow myself to settle for less. I allow my sinful human nature to get in the way, and instead I just get consumed with myself. It's so pathetic really.

The absolutely awesome part of it though is that I have a savior who is none of the things I am. He isn't self righteous. He isn't bitter towards me. He isn't caught up on what other people think of Him. He isn't human! And it's so wonderful. The moments when I start to think of how sinful and human I really am, those are the times I am so thankful to have a God who isn't like me at all. Hallelujah!

I Deserve to be Job.

So about a week and a half ago, I started an online plan to read through the Bible in a year. I decided that it's a little backwards to keep reading the same passages out of Scripture when there are so many others that I haven't even glanced at. The thing about this plan, however, is that it is in chronological order. So rather than reading every chapter in order from Genesis to Revelation, it all goes in time order. First I read Genesis 1-11, and then it jumped to the book of Job. Once I finish Job, it will go back to Genesis 12! I thought the idea of reading it in order of events was interesting, so I'm goin with it.

Now I don't know about you, but I haven't ever even thought about reading through Job before. All I knew about the guy was that God allowed Satan to take everything from him, but Job did not turn away from God. I really had no background information or any extensive knowledge about the book, so I was pretty excited to start reading it. However, as I continued to work my way through the book, I kind of hit a wall. The whole book is basically the effect of the Devil taking everything from Job and he having nothing, and complaining to his closest friends about it. For the whole book. At least, up until chapter 31, where I am at now. So while I started off this book feeling really excited and encouraged, as i continued reading it was almost depressing. Job was complaining about his whole situation, which I would certainly do as well if I were him, but regardless it wasn't very encouraging in my faith. So I began to think about what I could get out of reading this book, and it took a little bit of thinking. Finally, I came up with something that I can apply to my life so much, and even since realizing it today it has helped me.

So like I said, upon thinking about Job I began to see something applicable in the book. Ya see, I'm a huge control freak. Huge. As much as I hate to admit it and as much as I think I try to hide it, it's true. I like to know that I am in control of a situation and that things will go my way. (btw, how selfish of me! anyways, back to Job). After reading through Job, it sounds like he was quite a control freak too. He was perfectly comfortable with how his life was, and he felt like he was great at honoring God in his own surroundings. He felt like all was good with him and God, and that he was living his life for the Lord. But then God showed His great power and allowed Job's life to be drastically changed. Job was no longer in any position of power and control over his own life, and as a result he was left with nothing. No family, no home, no income, no job, no belongings at all, his health was left scathed and his dignity was greatly injured. All of the sudden, he grew sick, depressed, insecure, alone and bitter. While Job never cursed God (just like God said he wouldn't), I still didn't perceive Job as blameless or perfect throughout this whole thing. Not that I would be either, but just pointing that out. Upon being taken out of his lavish comfort zone, Job was left struggling to cling to God and to truly see His greatness. Job is questioning God and his faith begins to falter. Job no longer is as honoring or respectful towards God; instead, he complains. He gets mad and sulks and complains to all around him and grows depressed.

As I read through Job, I realized something drastic. I deserve to be Job. I deserve to have nothing. I deserve to be the devil's toy, merely a life to be messed with. I deserve for God to show me what having no control over my own life looks like. I deserve to be humbled and hurt like Job. I should be lost and alone, left with no one by my side.

When I look around me and realize what all I have been given, it's simply amazing. I think I am so very guilty of growing complacent with all my blessings, and I begin to not really notice what all I have actually been given. As I read Job and saw what having almost nothing looked like, my life begins to not look so bad. Pretty good, actually. All my stresses, burdens, frustrations and failures are manageable. And when I see all the power God shows to Job, I am so thankful that a God like that loves me.

He died for me.

He gave up everything He had, made himself lower than I could ever possibly imagine (far lower than Job was, even in his darkest days), and did that for me.

He took my place.

And Jesus did that all, out of love for me.

Overused Love.

So I should be working on homework. I'm actually sitting here in the studio with all my project stuff set up right in front of me, but I'm ignoring it.

Last week I was talking to some girls at small group actually, and they were saying how people can completely use some words the wrong way. Like the word "awesome". It was a word used to describe God, describing His power. Today, I can use the word countless times a day describing anything from the weather to my socks. That's just ridiculous! A word used to describe my creator is instead used to describe any given thing I find interesting in my day to day living. Back in high school I remember my best friend [http://whitney-mypaperheart.blogspot.com/] totally gave up saying the word "awesome". She decided that it just wasn't right to use it everyday, so she reserved it for only God. I think this is so cool! and thinking back on it now, I'm starting to think that way about other words too. For example...

Love. I feel like that is a term that is totally misused these days, and when I looked on Google that is only confirmed. I looked up what answers "love" brought up on Google, just to get a taste of what the worldly view of love really is. It's just pathetic. Things like "[making] love", "love calculator" and Las Vegas all came up on the first page. Is that really how love is defined these days?! That is nothing at all how the Bible defines love, and it just makes me a little crazy. Like thinking back over all the things I claim to love every day is ridiculous. I think today I proclaimed love for What Not To Wear, Panera, bread and slippers.

How can I even say those things seriously, when love is one of those terms that should be saved? I don't really love those things at all, or any of the other pointless inanimate objects I claim to love every day. Love is much more than an affection for a given object, it is an active verb. It involves showing others Christ's attitude and greatness in the way you treat them.

I've been thinking about this a lot over the past few days, and I am really going to try to cut down on my use of the word "love" when it's unnecessary. Yes, there are things I truly love, and situations where I know the word is appropriate without a doubt. However, I don't need to profess to love every single thing that makes me a little bit happy. So now, if you happen to agree with me, I challenge you to do the same thing. I challenge you to just think about it, and figure out what you think.

Outcomes of trials.

So yesterday I started to touch on the fact that I complain sort of a lot. Then, last night God continued to pound it into my head that I need to quit.

Last night I was at Bible study, and we were reading through James 1. This passage is one of my favorites and it holds so much wisdom for all sorts of encouragement. As a group all of us were saying different verses that spoke to us or different meanings we found to the passage, but I just couldn't get past verses two and three. They say:

" Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance."

I thought this was so great, because it kind of just hit me where I was at. It's so easy for me to complain and always find something that is wrong with life, no matter what. I pick at little situations and get annoyed that it's cold out, when instead I should be rejoicing that i'm not stuck in the snow/ice blizzard that is goin on back home. No matter how big or small an issue is, I can always find a downside.

Those verses just really spoke to me because they are talking about real trials. Not minute little details that I just pick at, but serious things. Like real struggles. Tough times. Not little things like the weather or how hard my classes are this week.

And the thing is, it isn't like God excuses complaining when times get hard. It's not like He says "oh yeah, that trial is really hard for you. I understand why you're complaining so much." Nope. Not at all. Instead, he said to consider those situations with pure joy. Not half hearted joy. Not forced joy that you don't really mean. But pure joy.

So that means to be fully and completely joyful about going through that hard time and those struggles, because you know God is doing it for a reason. God isn't going to just make me suffer for no reason, but by putting me through those trials He is helping me to build up perseverance. He wants me to get stronger and to be able to deal with those struggling times better, but the only way to do so is through experience. Through each hard time He is teaching me how to deal with them better, and how to make them more manageable next time.

When you think about it that way, and when you forget about how hard those trials can be, those trials almost look like blessings. Like God is taking the opportunity to teach you something to help make you stronger in Him! And as usual, nothing in Christ is easy and it has to be worked for. You've got to struggle and work through those trials and really persevere in your faith, and as a reward your faith will be strengthened.

Refocus.

So I apologize for the lack of posting, I've been busy with school and projects and attempting to have a social life! But I have a few minutes here before I've got to rush off to class, so I figured I would write on here.

I'm currently in the middle of making worship-themed cds and just thinking about everything God has done for me. It always amazes me that no matter how much I screw up and abandon Him, He is always ready to take me back. Over the past week or so I've gotten pretty slack at spending time with Him and really trying to learn more about Him. So last night I got to thinking back on the reason I started this whole blog. I wanted to grow in my faith and learn to shine for Christ more. I looked back on the verse in Philippians 3 that is my motivation for all of this, and I remembered the phrase proceeding the part about shining for Christ. It says:

"Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure."

I want to refocus on this, and to somehow learn to complain and argue less. For those of you that even slightly know me, I can be pretty argumentative and always seem to find something to complain about. I am trying to get it through my head that those things are worthless and will only leave me feeling pessimistic and sad, when Christ offers so much more. I truly want to be a shining example of Christ's love, and to do so I need to leave those earthly habits behind and focus on Christ.

I know I've written about this before and I hope this doesn't seem like I'm repeating myself, I just need to refocus my faith on things that really matter and let God lead my life.