Moments of Weakness.

I have weaknesses. Things like gossiping, self-scrutiny, being mean, judging others, and o many others. There are things that tempt me, things that I should avoid, and things that I should force myself to overcome. The problem is, I seem unable to do so. There are so, so, somany of these things that it is a little discouraging and overwhelming to think of. It seems like there are some days that I focus so much more on the things that I struggle with than the things that I can do, the things that I can accomplish. Those weaknesses become my self-seen identity, the only part of me that stands out in my own eyes.

The thing is that I can’t handle these weaknesses on my own, not a single one of them. Not the big issues or the minor things, nothing. I need God’s help. I need His strength.

But see, then it gets tricky. I know in my head that I need His strength and power, but what do I do after that? I know to pray to Him, ask for guidance and wisdom, but then I get lost. The frustrating thing is that in my heart, I am dead-set on putting the temptations behind me. I want to move on from them, I want to stop giving in. I have the mental motivation, I just don't seem to actually stick with it. So I pray and ask for wisdom/insight/advice/anything, but I feel like I still don't know what to do next. I wait to see Him work and show me what I need to do, maybe even give me a straightforward list of instructions to overcome my struggle. I want Him to just flat out tell me how to get over what I do wrong.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t work like that. I can't just expect God to tell me exactly what I need to do without really trying anything. I need to put forth some effort to show that I want this. I think I have to continually submerse myself so completely in God that the struggle isn’t a struggle anymore. I make it so that my focus is so directed at God that the weakness doesn’t defeat me anymore. Instead, God has defeated it and I have learned another way to glorify God. The focus and emphasis is taken off the weakness and is placed on God instead, the much more deserving recipient of my attention.

And just like that, after days of prayer and slight frustration over this very issue, I have found an answer to my question.

Thank you Lord, you certainly do work in interesting ways.