Humbled in Him.

So often I like to act like I’m the one running my life. I’m #1, the head honcho, the one who gets to call all the shots. I act like God doesn’t really exist, He is just there when I choose to call on His name. It’s as if I even get to call the shots in my relationship with God too, like He doesn’t bother me unless I decide to grant Him some of my attention.

Now please don’t think that I actually consciously and intentionally have these thoughts, because that isn’t the case at all. It’s not like I try to live this way, I simply don’t try to live any other way. This is my natural existence, a resident in a universe centered completely and solely on Reagan. By natural, I mean my instinctive way of living. I so greatly wish that I could say that my innate focus of life is on God, but if I said that I would be lying. Rather, I live my life in a way that is so focused on myself and my wants that I essentially live as if God doesn’t even exist.

The other day I was thinking about this, the embarrassingly selfish way in which I conduct my life. I don’t recognize that God is the reason I even have life, but instead I simply think about myself. The way life is treating me, and the things that make my life oh so unfair. In case you couldn’t tell, that unfair part was complete sarcasm. My life isn’t fair?! Of course it isn’t fair! I deserve hell and eternal death, but instead I have been granted a relationship with God and everlasting life. Now that certainly is unfair, but I’d say I am getting the better part of the deal. If only I could keep this in mind more often.

Now while I was thinking about the life I lead, I was faced with a completely humbling thought. I allow myself to think and act as if God doesn’t exist, but how can I do this?! God is everywhere, both in my life and surrounding it. He is the reason I’m alive, the reason I have air in my lungs and a beating heart in my chest. He is the reason I am blessed, tested, heard and loved. God is the one who gave me my loving parents, my wonderful sisters, and all the amazing relationships I couldn’t imagine life without. He is the reason I am happy, the reason my life has purpose. He is the reason that I have hope and that I can be completely overflowing with joy regardless of what is going on in my life. God is HERE, He is everywhere. HE is in me. HE fills me, He blesses me, He loves me and He is always here for me.

As I take a minute to think of where God is in my life, I realize that there isn’t a single area that He isn’t. Regardless of my feeble attempts to control my life, God still consumes it. And thank goodness He does, because He certainly does a better job at running my life than I ever could.

So as I humbly think about my wonderful and loving creator, I realize that God is all I am. He is love, He is my Savior, and I want Him to be my identity.