Control.

I never really understood why people would be scared to give God control. Granted I never really gave this idea much thought, but when it would pass through my head I thought it sounded good. I mean logically, it makes sense. Giving the creator of the universe (including your life) complete control of you? Sounds good to me. At least, it sounds good in theory.

However, this summer I have had a lot of time to think about this. As I examine my own life, I see the areas that I just don’t give God control of. It’s easy to say “okay God, my future is yours” when I don’t even know what my future looks like. But then I think about the areas of my life that I really want to go one way, and the thought of giving God control and risking it going in a completely different direction is terrifying.

Some of you may be thinking “well duh! It’s hard!”, so please forgive me. Maybe I’m just a little naïve, but I never really considered it before. I think that is partially is because I never really thought of what it meant to give God control. Yes I have prayed for a while that God would be the center of my life and that I would give up control, but I never really thought about what that looked like. And now that I’m thinking about it, it’s so scary.

Life with God in control isn’t predictable. He does things far beyond our imagination, especially when we aren’t expecting it. Rather than calling our own shots and doing what we want, God does things His way. Life with God in control is open ended, with you as the passenger and God in the driver’s seat.

This idea scares me! I know I shouldn’t be scared, but that part of me that craves control just doesn’t seem to warm up to this idea. I know that the Bible is full of verses all about how God is good and works for the good of those who love Him, and all the ideas sound wonderful. I’m not saying that they aren’t true, it’s just hard to truly believe when it seems like so much is at stake. But then I realized that I am faced with a decision. Either I can choose to live for myself and do whatever I want and ultimately be unhappy, or I can choose to give God control. I can choose to give Him my time, my relationships, my future, my everything.

I’m still working through this concept. I know that it’s something that is needed in my life, but man I’m having a hard time giving it up. I've written about it before, and I hope this all isn't repetitive. I'm processing this, working through it. God is teaching me something here, and I am slowly understanding. It scares me, and God is working through that.

I was talking with a friend recently and she was talking about she is working on living life open handed. God has given us everything, we hold nothing on our own. We can’t take the things God has given us and close our fist around them, determined to do with them what we want. Instead, we need to give it to God. Let Him place it in our hands, but also allow Him to take it away when the time is right. Living open handed, with everything open for God to use. I don’t know why, but this is a huge struggle for me. Like I just can’t get it through my head that this is good.

It’s not God’s way of tricking me or making me pay for the sins I’ve done.

This is God’s way of being in control and giving me the best life possible.

The only thing getting in the way is me.