I Deserve to be Job.

So about a week and a half ago, I started an online plan to read through the Bible in a year. I decided that it's a little backwards to keep reading the same passages out of Scripture when there are so many others that I haven't even glanced at. The thing about this plan, however, is that it is in chronological order. So rather than reading every chapter in order from Genesis to Revelation, it all goes in time order. First I read Genesis 1-11, and then it jumped to the book of Job. Once I finish Job, it will go back to Genesis 12! I thought the idea of reading it in order of events was interesting, so I'm goin with it.

Now I don't know about you, but I haven't ever even thought about reading through Job before. All I knew about the guy was that God allowed Satan to take everything from him, but Job did not turn away from God. I really had no background information or any extensive knowledge about the book, so I was pretty excited to start reading it. However, as I continued to work my way through the book, I kind of hit a wall. The whole book is basically the effect of the Devil taking everything from Job and he having nothing, and complaining to his closest friends about it. For the whole book. At least, up until chapter 31, where I am at now. So while I started off this book feeling really excited and encouraged, as i continued reading it was almost depressing. Job was complaining about his whole situation, which I would certainly do as well if I were him, but regardless it wasn't very encouraging in my faith. So I began to think about what I could get out of reading this book, and it took a little bit of thinking. Finally, I came up with something that I can apply to my life so much, and even since realizing it today it has helped me.

So like I said, upon thinking about Job I began to see something applicable in the book. Ya see, I'm a huge control freak. Huge. As much as I hate to admit it and as much as I think I try to hide it, it's true. I like to know that I am in control of a situation and that things will go my way. (btw, how selfish of me! anyways, back to Job). After reading through Job, it sounds like he was quite a control freak too. He was perfectly comfortable with how his life was, and he felt like he was great at honoring God in his own surroundings. He felt like all was good with him and God, and that he was living his life for the Lord. But then God showed His great power and allowed Job's life to be drastically changed. Job was no longer in any position of power and control over his own life, and as a result he was left with nothing. No family, no home, no income, no job, no belongings at all, his health was left scathed and his dignity was greatly injured. All of the sudden, he grew sick, depressed, insecure, alone and bitter. While Job never cursed God (just like God said he wouldn't), I still didn't perceive Job as blameless or perfect throughout this whole thing. Not that I would be either, but just pointing that out. Upon being taken out of his lavish comfort zone, Job was left struggling to cling to God and to truly see His greatness. Job is questioning God and his faith begins to falter. Job no longer is as honoring or respectful towards God; instead, he complains. He gets mad and sulks and complains to all around him and grows depressed.

As I read through Job, I realized something drastic. I deserve to be Job. I deserve to have nothing. I deserve to be the devil's toy, merely a life to be messed with. I deserve for God to show me what having no control over my own life looks like. I deserve to be humbled and hurt like Job. I should be lost and alone, left with no one by my side.

When I look around me and realize what all I have been given, it's simply amazing. I think I am so very guilty of growing complacent with all my blessings, and I begin to not really notice what all I have actually been given. As I read Job and saw what having almost nothing looked like, my life begins to not look so bad. Pretty good, actually. All my stresses, burdens, frustrations and failures are manageable. And when I see all the power God shows to Job, I am so thankful that a God like that loves me.

He died for me.

He gave up everything He had, made himself lower than I could ever possibly imagine (far lower than Job was, even in his darkest days), and did that for me.

He took my place.

And Jesus did that all, out of love for me.

Love and Fear.

I just got back from my English Composition class, where we were discussing excerpts from Machiavelli's "The Prince". In this piece Machiavelli states different characteristics he finds necessary in a ruler, and the question of "whether it is better to be loved or feared" is addressed. While discussing this idea in class, the teacher raised the idea of whether it was possible to be both loved and feared. At first everyone answered no, thinking that was the most obvious answer. But then a girl raised her hand and said "Isn't that how we should view God? As both someone to be feared as well as loved?", which got me thinking.

Sometimes it seems like you can only do one at a time when it comes to God. You can either love Him, or you fear Him. You can choose to admire all the good things He has done for you, or you can choose to think of all His power and be scared by it.

As I think of my own view of God, I think I catch myself thinking of all His goodness without thinking of why I should fear Him. Fearing Him means I have to examine my actions and figure out if I'm really living in fear of God or not, while loving Him is just being thankful for all He has done. Loving him seems to come a little easier than fear. Obviously not all the time, but sometimes I find this to be true.

When I think about how powerful God is and how much punishment I deserve from Him, it makes things harder. It's much easier to think that you can do whatever you want and God won't get involved until you ask Him to. Like I can sin all I want, and I don't really have to stop whatever I'm doing until I decide to face up to what I've done and ask for forgiveness. But that isn't right at all! God is so powerful and huge and omnipotent and could absolutely obliterate me if He chose to. I don't deserve to be here at all, it's only by God's grace that I am. When I think about that, it makes me want to fear Him and live my life accordingly. To not fear God is so selfish, and it makes your entire life about you. It doesn't show that you truly respect God for who He is or that you are thankful for all He has done. As I look over my life, I hate to think of how often I live my life doing whatever I want, thinking I can just deal with the bad stuff later. But when I consider all that God has done for me, how can I even possibly have that attitude? He deserves all my respect and fear, not just love and affection. He has done so much for me, why can't I live a life that shows that?