Sacrifice.

As I read through Leviticus, I've been noticing a common theme throughout the book. While the book is generally about the laws God gave to the Israelites, the majority of all the laws given are about sacrifices. Who was supposed to give the sacrifices, what caused a sacrifice to be needed, how the sacrifice was to be performed, everything! It's interesting to contrast the way that the Israelites had to handle being "unclean" at that time, and what Christians can do now.

It’s so interesting to read all that God required of the Israelites. They couldn’t just pray to God and ask for forgiveness, they had to really give something of themselves. Whether it was their livestock, their money or just their time, it involved something personal from the individual. They were not given the opportunity to just pray and instantly receive forgiveness; they had to give of themselves for God’s sake.

After reading all that God required, it seems to give some insight into God’s view of asking for forgiveness. Seeking forgiveness isn’t just muttering a short prayer to relieve a guilty conscience. It is intended for the person seeking forgiveness is actually willing to give something up because of their sin so that it doesn’t happen again. It reminds me of this quote I read recently:

It’s so easy to simply ask for forgiveness without truly putting forth the effort to eliminate the sin. I think half the time I ask for forgiveness simply for my own sake rather than as a sincere apology to God. I’ve been taught to think that when you apologize, the only way to show that you are truly sorry is to not do whatever you did again. If you really do feel badly for whatever you have done, then you should be sorry enough to not do it again. You know what I mean? Not to say that you don’t mess up because trust me I have done that plenty of times, but in theory that is how it should work. If you continue to do whatever you apologized, then you in theory aren’t genuinely sorry.

I feel like apologizing to God and asking for forgiveness is almost easier than apologizing to another person. It seems like it can be so easy to apologize to God without meaning it because all it involves is a prayer. No confrontation, no face-to-face interaction, nothing like that to really make you feel convicted. I mean I know my conscience gets to me, but there’s nothing really stopping me from doing it again you know?

But the thing is that it is wrong to repeatedly ask forgiveness without changing anything in my life. If I really want forgiveness, that means I give of myself and prove that the apology was sincere. It’s not fair to ask God to forgive and forget when I can’t sacrifice anything of myself for God.

Seek Rest In God.

Hi there.

So first off, once again I would like to apologize for my lack of writing. I have been so extremely overwhelmed with school work, and I just haven't had a chance. I know that sounds like a lame excuse and like I'm just not trying to make time, but I promise it's true! But now I'm here writing, and I will try to write a whole lot more often!

Anyways, on to a new thought.

Last Sunday (like a week ago yesterday) in church, we sang a new song. Now I'll be honest, I wasn't a big fan of it. It kind of consisted with the same line sang over and over, with a little bit of variation, for about five minutes. The "little bit of variation" meaning that you changed one word every six lines or so. You know what I mean? It was a bit much. Since the lyrics were basically the same the whole song through, I started thinking about one of the lines. It said:

"My soul finds rest in You alone."

The funny thing is, as soon as I heard that line I immediately wanted to write about it. Not necessarily write something simply to post it on my blog, but just to sit down and start writing out my thoughts. Of course I haven't had any time due to stress and projects, so I simply kept it tucked away in the back of my mind. I went about my week being stressed out and feeling like all this school work would push me to the limit. There have been a couple rough times especially, when I just felt so beat down and exhausted. Then I let all that stress just stay bottled up inside, so I stay aggravated all night and go to bed mad, and wake up grumpy the next morning. Not exactly a great solution to the stressed out problem.

Now I'm not telling you all of this as my way of continuing to feel sorry for myself. I'm just giving this all to you as background information, so that you can see where I'm really coming from.

See, one morning I was particularly irritable. Everyone annoyed me and no one could change my mood. Selfish, huh? But then I was halfway through my breakfast when I remembered that line from church telling me to seek rest in God. In the middle of my grumpiness and stress, this message practically hit me upside the head.

You see, whenever I get stressed I tend to fall away from God. I allow all those stresses to overwhelm me, and I push God to the side. I tell myself that I don't have time to do devotions or to try and be close to God, but that instead I merely need to work on my homework and just do devotions when I have time. Then I start to feel guilty but I still stay away from God because I'm afraid He will be mad at me. I'm afraid that I will only temporarily stay close to God, but then I'll let school work get in the way and that God will get even more mad at me. I hate the idea of disappointing God, so ironically I continue to disappoint God by staying away from Him rather than drawing near to Him to overcome that feeling. You see my problem?

Then I started thinking about that line from that song. And I realized something. It doesn't say that you have to try and make yourself the best version of yourself before you approach God. It doesn't say that you have to have your whole life figured our before you seek the Lord's help. It doesn't have any conditions attached to it at all actually. All it says to do is to seek your rest in God. Allow God to be the peace in your life and the one you go to when things get hard. It calls you to simply rest in God, and give your stresses to Him. He is in control of the entire universe, so can't He handle those little projects that are stressing you out so much?

God can do all things,

Seek rest in God.

His Plan is Good.

So today I kind of had a flash back to one of the scariest events of my life. I can’t exactly go into many details at all thanks to different issues, but I can say it involved a car crash in early August. That night God protected me and my sister, and showed His grace and mercy to me more vividly than I had ever witnessed before in my life.

See, today I got an email saying that there was another side to the story, and that side may make my side look a little tainted. I know that sounds like it’d be obvious, but that didn't matter. It’s complicated and a mess, and I can’t really say much more, but that doesn't really matter! You’ll just have to take my word for it.

When I read that email I kind of panicked, and was so afraid that no one would believe me. I was afraid that the people who needed to see my side wouldn't, and that things would be messed up. I began to think through the events of that night and try and come up with what I could have done differently, what I did wrong, and what I should have done. I began to replay it all in my head, but I couldn't come up with a better option than what I did that night. I called my mom and briefly told her what was going on, and she processed it all and called me back with some wonderful comfort. She told me that in that situation I did all that I could, and that it doesn't matter what the other person thinks. What is supposed to happen will happen, and that’s just that. I can’t change what I did that night, and I certainly can’t change the outcome.

I knew that what she was saying was true, and as she talked to me I really soaked it all in. She was right! God had a plan, and that plan is going to happen no matter what. Both in this situation as well as every other area of life. God has a way that He wants things to go, and nothing can get in His way. I mean come on, what can possibly even try to stop the God of the universe? Nothing is really coming to my mind.

How comforting is that?! No matter what, God’s Will will be done. What he has planned is going to happen, and everything He does is good. Even those things that seem so terrible and awful, those things that seem nothing but miserable, are good. I had to remind myself of this constantly after the accident, and it took a long time for me to believe it. And last semester when I started college, that was definitely a time that I had to give myself that reminder all the time just to keep my sanity. God has a plan, and it is good. Always. Not sometimes, not just when I pray a lot, not just when God is happy with me, always.

It’s amazing how God can always give you comfort you when you go looking for it.

Feeling Ready.

So yesterday, for the first time all break, I actually felt ready to go back to school. looked forward to it even. i know this sounds like something that should be a normal anticipation for a college student, but this was not the case for me. To be honest, my first semester was sort of... well... basically it sucked. terribly. it wasn't really the ideal "college experience" you hear about, and i kind of lost myself. I mean i was still me, but there were times when i felt surrounded by people i barely knew who barely knew me either. It was a little disheartening, but this is one of those areas that God has taught new lessons that I mentioned before!

You see, i was dreading going back to school. I was dreading leaving my family, friends and comfort zone and go back to that drab dorm room and the campus I'm still unaccustomed to. Even a couple days ago, the thought of going back just made me feel depressed. Now i know this raises the question of why even go back at all, why not find a new school that i know i would love and just forget the whole Anderson idea all together. While this option does sound ideal at times, I know without a doubt that that is not God's plan for me right now. God wants me down at Anderson, for whatever reason, and I have come to accept that. In fact, that is the beginning of what He is teaching me.

Not only has God been showing me that Anderson is in His plan for me, He has surrounded me with people back home who all loooooove their school. like die-hard, go team, there is no better place on earth than my school, emphatic types of people. Now at first this was frustrating and hard to be around, because i clearly did not reciprocate those feelings. But, being around those people has taught me that I need to just put myself out there! I need to make myself meet new people and to invest and pursue those relationships. I've learned it's so easy to say hey and make a friend, but keep it a shallow and non-attached relationship so I don't risk putting myself out there only to be disappointed. This is a characteristic I don't think I ever even knew i had before i went to that strange place called college.

Over the past few days, I have become so confident that God is going to use me this semester if i allow him to. If i put my own selfish pride aside and quit using my workload as an excuse to get out of events, and instead just put myself out there for God to use. I have always wanted to be used as part of God's plan, but I kind of ignored the fact that it involves some work by me too. I can't just sit there and pray once or twice for God to use me, quickly forget about it, but then be disappointed that there was no outcome. I am learning that I need to pursue God entirely and allow him to transform me and use me. I think the reason that I now look forward to going back to school (i can't even believe I'm saying that...) is because I know that if I pursue God, He will pursue me. So if i pursue him in my relationships and allow him to fill me in my loneliness, i am faithfully believing that he will do just that. The thought of leaving my family and my comforts at home is still a little daunting, but i know that God has a plan much bigger than this.